Un-comfortable

I'm uncomfortable in every sense of the word- in every aspect of my life. I wish I could come up with a much better word, but uncomfortable is all I've got. I'm uncomfortable with where we live, all 526ft of our 2 room apartment. I'm uncomfortable with having to walk in between rabbits to get to the washer and dryer. I'm uncomfortable with the environment of my work place. Every day, as I pull into the parking lot at school, I say to myself, "Christine, you are not defined by what car you drive or by where you live. You are defined by the character inside you." Still, it's hard to park next to a brand new Lexus, or latest model of an SUV, and not feel slightly embarrassed of our 1997 Saturn, otherwise known as "Red Rocket". I'm uncomfortable with not having any close friends here in Virginia. I cringe as people I barely know say the casual "Hi, how are you?" as they shake my hand or give me a hug. They don't really want to know how I feel, because if I said, "Ya know, I'm pretty uncomfortable right now in my life" that would only make them uncomfortable. And, let's just be honest, NO ONE in their right mind would choose to be out of their comfort zone.
I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I no longer have my father. He died 8 months ago, and I just can't seem to adjust to the new normal where I can no longer pick up the phone and hear his voice on the other end. My drive home from work is more lonely these days, and I am only reminded that there are very few people that I do call to talk with and confide in. I have my husband and my daughter here in Virginia. I have my mom in SC, and my friend, Carol on speed dial. And then, there's God. He's not exactly on speed dial, but we talk more now than we used to. Actually, I blame God for my uncomfortableness. Whether or not it's fair or the right thing to do, I blame him. It's easier than blaming myself. Perhaps if I could figure out how to be content, no matter what situation, I'd be more comfortable in general. It's not forever, but it sure does feel like it right now.