Going A-Wall

I feel like pounding the crap out of a punching bag and screaming at the top of my lungs, "UNCLE! I give up! Enough is enough!" And yet, I feel like it just keeps getting heaped on. I feel guilty for complaining. We have prayed for this little one for so long. We have wanted to have another baby for more than a year, and finally that dream is coming true. But, oh there is a price to pay. 21 weeks and I'm still throwing up. Dealing with breakthrough bleeding. Placed on bed rest. Going through the normal pregnancy pains that are associated with the great stretching. And now, throw in an umbilical hernia that hurts to touch. Every time I sneeze, laugh, cry, throw up, cough, or use my abdominal muscles, I automatically put my hand over my belly button and hold it in. Otherwise, I'm in some pretty intense pain. It's just "one of those things that can happen during pregnancy." If I hear that phrase again, I swear I might go A-wall.

Thank God for this little life inside me. She is the only thing keeping me sane right now. Each time I feel her kick or somersault, I remember that there is a purpose in going through all this. She's worth the journey, the trials, the pain. She is worth fighting for. Why? Because I love her already. I don't know her name. I don't know anything about her. I just know that God placed her within me, to carry her through while she grows. And she's with me. She's a part of me.

And suddenly, I can hear God say, "She is worth fighting for because I love her. I know her by name. I know everything about her. I've placed her within me, to carry her through while she grows. She's with me. She's a part of me. My daughter, Christine. While you carry this little one, I'm carrying you."