You get what you pay for.

Anyone who has read my blog up to this point needs to know that we have willingly placed ourselves in these different situations. I am not complaining about the living conditions that we've endured in the past year, because the more I think about it, the more I realize that you really do get what you pay for. Sure, we could be renting a beautiful townhouse or 3 bedroom condo elsewhere, but that wouldn't help us to pay down our debt faster. When our current situation wears me down, I try to focus on the fact that we will be debt free next spring. Believe me when I say that is easier said than done.

This new place has brought many challenges, mostly in our ability to have patience. We are still waiting for a stove. Do you know how many meals you can cook without a stove? The answer is a lot. I've learned how to use a microwave and grill more in these last two months than I ever have in my whole life. And, we are still waiting for an electrician to come and fix the electric sockets in our kitchen and bathroom. Currently, we have a lovely green extension cord running from our bedroom into the kitchen. Thankfully, a mutlti-socket surge protector has allowed us the ability to plug in more than one appliance at a time. And, I think I've finally mastered the smell. When you have six bunnies living under your family area, and 3 barn cats living under your bedroom, you find creative ways to mask the animal smells. I've placed Bounce dryer sheets over the vents on the floor in our bedroom, and I now have a febreez non-burning candle right at our front door, which I change weekly. On top of that, I spray febreez on the carpets and couches about every other day, and last but not least, I burn candles. All of those things combined seem to help. But, I'll be honest, that's probably been the single greatest challenge for me so far.

I will say that we are nice and cool this summer and have used the inground swimming pool quite a bit. The property is beautiful, and we have thoroughly enjoyed the wild raspberries and blueberry bushes on the property. We look forward to the apples on the tree and the grapes soon to be growing on the vine.

I just want to reiterate that we willingly placed ourselves here (and at The Shack)! My mother reminds me on a regular basis that she thinks it's ridiculous! But, you really do get what you pay for. When I look back on the time that we spent becoming debt free, I want to be able to remember all that we went through to get to a better place financially. We want to be the head and not the tail. We want to be the lender and not the borrower. In order to get that place, sacrifice is sometimes required.

It's raining, it's pouring...

Most people listen to the rain outside and think, did I roll all of my car windows up? I'm listening to the rain thinking, Yippeee!!! I can do laundry again. Weird, I know. But, since living in our new place, we've had to deal with a lot of changes, one being the well that now supplies our water. It's not like I've never used well water before. I've just never been at a place where the well water is so low that the water coming out of my faucet turns a disgusting pee/brown color. That can certainly put a damper on your desire to do laundry and take showers. The hot water seems to run clearer than the cold water, but I wasn't going to take any chances with my clothes. I can handle showering in it, but there's something about washing your clothes in water that looks like pee that is just not right. Now that I reread my last statement, maybe I need to reconsider!

Inside The Shack- the crawl space

Right underneath our kitchen was an open crawl space. When we first moved in, we were told that it was going to be closed off, but in the dead of winter, we were still dealing with an open crawl space which was bringing the frigid drafts right into the home. When our landlord refused to make the crawl space his priority, Glenn bought insulation and repaired all of the holes in the foundation. The temperature went from 45 degrees to 60 degrees inside our home after Glenn made the repairs.

Inside The Shack- finally settled

A tour of the inside.

Inside The Shack- building shelves

Because there were no shelves or closets in the main living area, we put our creative minds together and brainstormed how to create our own closet and shelving system. We shopped at Home Depot for wood, and Glenn made shelves and a closet for us. One night, as I worked late into the evening on my grad work, he kept me company by staining the wood.

Inside The Shack

The day of our move into The Shack...so much stuff and not very much room to put it.

A frozen freezer

One of the joys of living at the shack and dealing with our kitchen appliances.

The Shack

I guess it's about time I post pictures of our former humble abode. Funny, I just didn't feel comfortable posting any pics while we lived there. I guess I felt too embarrassed. We moved at the end of June, and I couldn't be happier. Oh, there are plenty of other challenges that we are dealing with at this new place, that is for sure. But, here's to the shack, and here's to living there no more!

Vision and the patience of Job

It takes vision to see something through. Literally, it takes eye site, and an ability to see beyond what is physically present in front of you.

Today was a long day, and my legs ache from the amount of work that I did, but I can't complain. When I think about moving into this new place, my heart feels happy. I don't think I ever mentioned that the shack is particularly dark due to the placement of the few windows it actually has. The new place has I think about 12 windows that let the glorious sunlight in.

The rabbit lady moved another bunny down to the garage this evening, and she swept up more hay. Now half of the room is nearly clean. And, I have to say that through this process we are building a trust with our new landlord. I think it took her so long to actually allow us to get into the apartment because of her fear of what we would think of her. By us allowing her to move at her own pace, but also gently pushing her forward, she has started to share with me little pieces of things about her life.

I've been thinking more and more that this place, this apartment is a great opportunity for us financially. But, even more so, sometimes God places us in the lives of people for a reason. I'm feeling like this is one of those situations. Who knows what is in store. I have no expectations, other than creating a home in our little apartment over the rabbit lady's garage and becoming debt free. How our relationship with the rabbit lady unfolds is yet to be seen. But, I do have a vision for it.

The Waiting

My life is all about waiting. And I have to say, I'm not enjoying the wait. Perhaps if it was only one thing that I was waiting on...like, waiting for the timer to go off to remove a cake from the oven. Now, that I wouldn't mind. But, for now, I am stuck in waiting, and trying to allow God to speak to me, even in the midst of my unsettled heart.

Let's just call our potential new landlord, the rabbit lady. The rabbit lady loves her bunnies, so much so, that she has not been willing to remove them from the apartment that we are supposed to be moving in to in 2 weekends. Her famous saying is, I'll just do that tomorrow. Yeah, right. I spent last Saturday cleaning out her air conditioned garage, creating a space for her 6 bunnies. She has promised nearly every day to move them down, and every day, she says, I'll do it tomorrow. Glenn has been installing the toilet, new vanity and sink, and fixing the shower this week. The rabbit lady went and purchased everything that we need to have a beautiful bathroom...now if we could just remove the six rabbits, six pens, plethora of hay, toddler bed, and other crap out of that room and clean it, we'd be good to go. BUT, we wait. Glenn announced on Tuesday that if she doesn't have the rabbits removed by Saturday, demonstrating that she actually wants us at her place, we will find a new place to live. So, we wait for the rabbit lady to get her act together.
What does all that actually translate to? Boxes sitting at our current place of living, half packed. We don't know if we are staying or going. What a fun place to be.

I'm waiting to see when my dad will get his miracle. Every day I pray that the Lord would help me with my unbelief. I waver between letting my dad go and trusting that God is going to heal him in His timing. I wait to see if he's actually going to stay here on earth, or be with Jesus. The waiting.

What is it about the waiting that is so unsettling? Is it because I'm not in control? I like to be in control. I like to know what's coming next. Who doesn't? Lord, help me in the waiting.

Bunk beds?

So, we are moving in about 2 or 3 weeks. The final date hasn't been set quite yet. We are still waiting to see when our landlord is getting someone else into this place. Our new apartment has two rooms. The room that you first enter will be a bedroom for Glenn and me, and we will create a section for Aleena as well and partition it off. The main living area has plenty of room- a kitchen, nice bathroom (that Glenn is helping to repair and put new fixtures into), a living room area, a place for our table, and enough room for Aleena to play.

Glenn and I were trying to brainstorm ways to organize our bedroom, and he said, Christine, I think we're going to have to trade in our bed for something smaller. I said, Um, what? He said, I just don't think there's enough room for our king size bed. I said, Do you know what it's like to share a bed with you? I've been kneed in the ribs, elbowed in the nose, kneed in the back- we are NOT getting a smaller bed. Glenn thinks for a moment and then says, I know. How about bunk beds? We both started laughing, because it's a funny thought to think about a married couple having bunk beds, but the truth is that it would make our lives easier! We will NOT be getting bunk beds, at least not for our use. Maybe one day when we have kids who can use them, but not for us! I've earned the right to sleep in the same bed with my husband. And, we'll manage. We always do.

As we sat talking today, we realized that we need to downsize even more. I was thinking, is that even possible? And the answer is always, yes. We are going to sell my piano (and replace it with a full length keyboard that can fit under the bed or couch, the hutch in storage, our computer and desk (which we will trade in for a laptop), a dresser, and the queen bed we have in storage. It's just stuff, right? And in the case of the piano and computer, those will be replaced with more practical items.

I may have said it before, but this move will be easier than the last. I went over yesterday to help our future landlord clean out her garage. That's where her 6 rabbits will live. I know Aleena will love the small animal farm that she has at her home. Isn't it funny where God leads us? If you had told me 5 years ago where I'd be today, I would have said, Absolutely not. No way, no how. And it's okay. Because we only have the grace for today. Lesson learned.

Being content in plenty and in want

You know that verse that Paul wrote that says something like, "I've learned to be content in plenty and in want..."? (my paraphrase of course). Well, I think of that often since living in the shack, or the shed as Glenn refers to it. I find myself saying things like, "I hate living in this place," or "I hate stinkbugs," or I hate that I can never find anything when I need it." Usually, I resort to, "I hate this place." Hate is a pretty strong word. I think I use it too freely, because the truth is that I don't hate the shack. Since living here, we've been able to pay down one of my student loans tremendously. We took every bonus, our tax return, and any extra money that we could for the past 6 months, and we've faithfully been paying down my loan. In January, the loan amount was close to $25,000. Currently, we only have $6300 left to pay. How is that possible? We are not rich by any means. I'm a teacher for goodness sake! And Glenn isn't bringing home a six digit income either. So, how did we do it? We put our minds to knocking out our debt, which meant simplifying our lives. Not only did we go from a four bedroom townhouse down to a small (690 total square feet) house/shed, we also eliminated most of our bills.We pay rent, an electric bill, and a cell phone bill. Also, we are paying off my two student loans and the money that we owe back to the bank from our short sale. That's it. We don't have cable, but we do have an antenna, which gives us plenty to choose from. Our landlord supplies the Internet, we have no house phone, and we are using well water. We live with what we need, and we have a little bit of wiggle room.

So, technically, I don't hate living where we are right now. I don't love it either. And, that's okay because we will be moving again next month. I'm a little nervous to say that the new place is comparable in size, or maybe a little smaller? It's only two rooms total. The first room that you enter is a decent size and will be our bedroom as well as Aleena's room. We plan to buy or borrow a partition to section off the room for some privacy. Then, the main room is big enough to hold our kitchen table, have a little section for our couches, and a little section for our desk and computer. The kitchen has a full size fridge, which will be nice for a change!, and there's a newly remodeled bathroom. Because we've already downsized, I don't think the transition over to the new apartment will be all too difficult. The really amazing thing about this place is that it's only $500 a month, and this INCLUDES utilities! Can you believe that? Who ever heard of such a thing?

So back to what Paul said about being content in plenty and in want- I can see how it's important to find that place of contentment within yourself. Because if you can't find it in 690 square feet, chances are, you won't find it in 2500 square feet. Living in this new place will still be a sacrifice. It's not big, and I now have a walking 13 month old. Plus, we want to have more kids. I'm not sure how we'll have the room, but what I do know is that we will be debt free by April of next year. And, that will be a good feeling. If we can just continue to sacrifice and be faithful to pay off the rest of my student loans, and pay off the bank loan, we will be free to save our money. Ultimately, we want to own a reasonable home, and if we can save enough, we'll have a decent down payment. We'll do things the right way the next time we buy. Lesson learned.

Sacrifice

There's a mouse pooping in my dishcloth drawer again. Glenn said that he found more mouse poop in the house, but he wouldn't tell me where. I can only imagine. I hear the little critters in the ceiling at night, crawling around and doing their mousy things. Not pleasant.

We went and looked at a different apartment this evening. It's a small two room apartment. I have my doubts of how it could work out, but the $500 a month price tag is enticing. We'll see.

Of chainsaws, stinkbugs, bees, and other creepy things.

There's a chainsaw in my bathroom. There's the top half of my husband's dresser sitting in our living room right next to the fire place "out of the way." There's a flyswatter hanging right next to my cutting board, and my kitchen table is covered with so many things, I can't seem to remember its color.
I guess sometimes, you just have those kind of days...well, maybe not.

I killed a HUGE bee in the kitchen today. Was getting dressed for work when I heard a tremendous buzz coming from somewhere. I started to duck and look over my head, but couldn't see anything. I went down to the kitchen and saw Mosely staring at a humongous bee flying into the light and into the wall. I ended up using the flyswatter to knock that sucker into the stove, where I proceeded to smash it to death. Violent perhaps, but I didn't want it stinging my baby.

I'm so sick of stinkbugs, big black ants, little black ants, bees, and spiders. I have to pretend that I don't know these insects reside within our humble abode. Wishing I could escape the insects and the creepy feeling I get when I finally come face to face with one.

Live Like You are Living

My dad is my hero. He always has been. And as a little girl I looked up to him, admired him, and developed a relationship with him. Not a fake 'I only come to you when I need advice or money' kind of relationship. But one of depth. Value. Honor. And respect.

My dad is fighting terminal cancer. He is a living, breathing, and moving testimony even as I type this. The doctors said he wouldn't make it to Thanksgiving a couple years ago, and yet he's still here in the flesh among us. Some days are hard for him, like today. Yesterday he felt good and overdid it a little. Today, his body pays the consequences for all the activity from the previous day. And I watch him. His attitude. The way he talks and references what he is going through. Yesterday he said to me, "I really am okay, Christine. I'm not some fragile piece of glass that's going to break. I'm here. I'm living. And I'm going to keeping living as if I'm going to live."
He hasn't given up the fight. Every day he makes a choice to live life to its fullest. To press through the pain. To deny the cancer any power over his will or emotions. He approaches each day with a new grace. He's not angry. And if you talk to him for even a minute, you'll know he is not relying on his own strength, but a Divine strength that comes in waves and breathes a freshness over him.

My dad's approach to life reminds me that we all have the opportunity to take life day by day, and to accept the grace that has been given to us. Too often, I look far ahead. I worry about my job, Glenn's job, balancing life and the baby, paying off the bills, saving up money, moving out of the shack, being in a better place, a better season in life. But what if I chose to live in the moment? To enjoy the fullness of one day without worrying about what tomorrow holds. Isn't that what we are called to do? To not worry about tomorrow, but to let tomorrow worry about itself?

My dad said, "Christine, I don't want to live like I'm dying like in that Tim McGraw song. I want to live like I am living. Like I'm going to live." What an impact! I need to live like I am living!
What does that look like? It means not allowing the stresses of life to rob me of the many joys that I have. It means taking time to fully enjoy my daughter. To invest in my relationship with my husband. It means enjoying the time that I have been given with my father. To enjoy the students that I am teaching this year. To take a moment to rest. To go outside and breathe in the fresh, horse manure, country air. It means appreciating the gift of another day to be here, to invest in this life time. Because only God knows how long we will be here. And that's the truth, whether you are walking in full wholeness and or believing God to fully restore health to your body and heal your wounds.

A prayer for strength is risky business

It just dawned on me today that when you say a prayer for strength to get through the week, just be prepared for situations that require strength! Grad school projects were weighing me down, and pure exhaustion kicked in by, oh I don't know, 9 AM on Monday morning. I didn't know how I would make it through the week, so I asked for strength. Then, my ten month old got sick for the first time ever in her little life. Seeing a temperature of a 103 degrees, and feeling her little cheeks burning up was enough to put me right over the edge. On top of it all, my students were taking two state tests this week, and I couldn't take the time off of work, so I had to trust my hubby to take care of the baby. Not an easy thing for me to do. But here it is, Friday afternoon, and I'm sitting with the baby as she eats cheerios and throws her sippy cup off of the high chair (a little game she's fond of these days). Fortunately, her fever broke yesterday afternoon, and she's back to her adorable, yet strong willed, self. And some how, I made it through the week.

I've been thinking a lot lately about "stuff." I don't mean a multitude of different topics, I literally mean accumulating stuff, material possessions if you will. Why is it that stuff holds us back from being where we really want to be? Whether it's the fear of not having what you believe you need, or developing a certain comfort level, or just wanting to have possessions that make life easier, "stuff" just really gets in the way. Maybe it's keeping the car you feel you deserve to have, or hanging onto to the latest "toy" that your significant other bought, or staying in the house that you can't afford but have worked too hard to lose now. I'm not here to judge anyone and their stuff. I bought a house that I couldn't afford. I had a beautiful four bedroom town home with a fireplace, beautiful hard wood floors and a finished basement. We could accommodate both families staying with us at the same time, could paint the walls any color we wanted (and we did), and we bought lots of furniture to fill each of the rooms. Then, one day we realized that we just couldn't afford our stuff. With a baby on the way, daycare costs lurking around the corner, and mortgage payments that were forcing us to live paycheck to paycheck, we had to make some changes....drastic changes. Enter, the shack, into the picture.
I'll never forget moving into this place. I insisted that we bring my piano, the kitchen island, our futon, and small things too, like a full box of Tupperware. Boy, did my heart break when I realized that I either needed to let some "stuff" go, or I wouldn't be able to walk in our new home. Literally. Let me tell you, 490 square feet fills up quickly. We sold the futon, the kitchen island and two matching chairs (sniff, I still miss that!), and even down sized our Tupperware. I got to keep the piano, which I've had since I was like 10, so it's very close to my heart. (My husband likes to remind me that I never play it, but I keep telling him that the pvc piping that the whole thing is propped up on makes it uncomfortable to play anyway...) I guess I'm saying all this to say, Once you start getting rid of "stuff" and downsize, letting things go gets easier.

Maybe that's the kind of attitude we're supposed to live life with, right? Thank you God that you have placed this "stuff" into my life for a season. I will rejoice for now, trusting that You know that I need. And, I will keep my hands open and my palms upward in case it gets taken away and replaced with something new.
The danger lies in receiving something and grasping onto it so tightly that our knuckles turn white, and suddenly we focus on our grip and not losing the "stuff" rather than enjoying it while we have it. I"m learning that everything in life comes through seasons. Nothing lasts forever (well, except for eternity, and that's not on this side of heaven), and I'm realizing that I can rejoice, even in the really hard seasons, because I know it won't last forever. God isn't going to give me more than I can bear. Easier said than done! I press on toward the prize...toward the goal for which You've called me to.

Deer eating by the tree, not hanging from it.

There were six deer in our yard this afternoon when I got home. Very unique, cause normally, they are skinned and hanging upside down from the tree, with my husband not far away...Actually seeing them alive, eating and playing is a nice change.

Mud is everywhere, and I'm over the fact that my car looks like I go off-roading in my spare time. A little intimidating to park next to the sparkling Mercedes and BMWs in the parking lot at work, and definitely keeps me humble. I used to be embarrassed to walk out to my muddy car at the end of the day, but the truth is, I live on a dirt road off of another dirt road. It is what it is. I don't like the constant mud stains that appear on the bottom part of my pants every day due to the fabric touching the car when I get out, or the mud that is now caked into the crevices of just about every pair of shoes that I own. But mud is mud. A little visit to the bathroom sink, and I'm like new.

Dryer Tears

Yesterday, I was watching TV, and suddenly, there is was... a red, energy efficient Kenmore dryer. A perfect load of laundry was being dried and then steamed in minimal time. I watched the commercial, holding my breath, and felt wet tears rolling down my cheeks. I was crying over a dryer?!

A moment of self pity, I admit. I started thinking about how I can only wash 3-4 towels in our little mini-compact washer at one time, and fit even less in the dryer if I actually want it to dry in under an hour. Am I grateful that we actually have access to a washer and dryer? Absolutely. Am I frustrated that it takes me 4 loads to wash my clothes and running the dryer over 90 minutes to get each load dry. Uh, YEAH!
Living here has its challenges. Should we talk about the stink bugs that are popping up everywhere? In the baby's crib, on my jeans, on the window sill, flying past the couch, landing on the walls, invading my space...my limited space...or the baby skunk that was scurrying down the middle of the road on our way home from the store? Or, the fact that I wear mud boots to get out my front door so that I don't trudge through the thick muddles of mangled madness...
Ah yes, the joys of country living. I definitely admit that it's easy to feel sorry for yourself when you start looking around at what others have and what you have to go through, or are choosing to go through.
But, the truth is- living here is much easier when I only focus on myself and what I'm called to. The moment that I start comparing myself, I lose my focus. God help me to keep my eyes on You.

Running in the Wind

It's late. Almost 11:30pm, and Glenn's been sleeping for at least an hour. The baby is down, and I'm alone with my thoughts again...thinking about r-e-s-p-o-n-s-i-b-i-l-i-t-y. Somedays, I wish I could dig a hole and live in it for about a week until I felt settled on the inside.
Ever get that feeling like you just want to run and run and run for miles without getting winded? Or, like you want to pick up and move away from your present life and start again? I've been dreaming about running a lot lately. Mostly, I just need air. I crave fresh breath in my lungs. I feel my feet pounding against the pavement, and my legs carry me farther and farther away from the shack. Away from worry and anxiety. Away from the cold. Away from small, confining spaces.

I set my eyes on the prize, the goal for which I called. I keep pressing on, because that's what I was made to do. Press on toward the prize. The prize...what is the prize that I'm pressing towards?
This one will require more thought.

I am not Superwoman.

9 AM and I bundled up the baby in her pink Winnie the Pooh snow suit, put her into the back pack, and carried her outside so that I could shovel. Shovel the snow out of the never ending driveway. If I ever wanted to leave the shack again, I had to get to the end of the driveway. An impossible task. An overwhelming task. "Slow and steady wins the race," echoed in my head. I slammed the shovel in the bottom of the snow heap and felt the immense weight on the yellow shovel. Seriously?

Just then, Glenn called. "Another 20 inches of snow are coming Christine. Can you shovel a pathway from the back door out to the wood pile because you won't have enough wood for this storm that's coming. I'll bring the wood in for you when I come home tonight."
"I thought the company was putting you up in a hotel again tonight," I said, taking the cold air deep into my lungs.
"Oh yeah," he replied. "Well, I guess you'll have to bring in all the wood that you'll need for the next several days. You'll probably lose power with this storm that's coming..."

I stared into space. How could I possibly finish shoveling the driveway, shovel a path to the wood pile, haul in wood, and take care of the baby? As it was, she would be getting up from her nap in the next half hour. "Okay, Glenn. I can try."
If I were Superwoman, I would have said, "No problem. I can do all things."

But, the thing is, I'm not a superhero. I'm an almost 30 year old, trying to raise a 9 month old, maintain a loving relationship with my hubby, finish grad school, and survive living in a 490 square foot house. This place presents more challenges than I ever thought possible. This shack...it's stretching me, bruising me, making my muscles sore, and requiring more tenacity than I ever thought I had. And for what?
I have to keep our end goal in mind. By simplifying our lives, we are able to pay off our debt faster. Just last month, I was able to write a check for a few thousand dollars and put it toward my school loan. That felt great. You know what doesn't feel great? My back after shoveling for 6 hours...

Glenn came and rescued me this afternoon. He told me to leave and go south so that I didn't have to weather another storm without him. He said to pack everything for me, the baby and Mose and leave. He finished shoveling the last little section of the driveway (with his coworker), and helped me get the Honda out of the driveway. I threw everything that I could into a suitcase, loaded the car and headed south. I drove through snow, rain, ice, and heavy fog, but I made it. Six and a half hours later and I'm at my parents' house, listening to them play with the baby. I don't have to think about shoveling the driveway, or hauling wood. I don't have to worry about losing power or manning the fire. I can rest and know that for the next several days, the shack will stand alone, and I will be surrounded in love.

All Quiet on the Country Front

Day three of being snowed in by myself, and I feel a sense of renewed hope. Perhaps it's because the snow stopped falling and the sun is shining; or because the beautiful white snow amidst the brilliant blue sky is breathtaking. Perhaps it's the e-mail my hubby sent me letting me know that he needed me and would be home sometime tonight. Maybe it was hearing the knock on the front door and seeing two men in reflective safety vests standing on my front porch, only to realize that one was my husband...braving the slightly plowed country road to make sure I was okay.
Wearing my pjs and a bathrobe, my glasses, no make up, and carrying the baby in only her diaper, I gladly created him and his coworker at the door.

Yes, I've spent the last three days by myself in our shack with only the baby and the dog; occasionally talking with Glenn, or my parents, or in-laws, or a friend on the phone. Alone but not truly alone. In the midst of the storm, He speaks. He comforts. He gives grace to the weary, and He gives strength to make it through.

Snowpocolipse: Adventures of a Pioneer Woman!

Baby crying in the crib fighting her nap, small fire in the wood stove that just won't start, and knowing that my hubby won't be coming home for the next three days.....
Seriously? I will probably get snowed in right here in the shack. I'm praying that the power will stay on...but of course, I am Pioneer Woman so I have a huge bucket of water in the bathroom and three additional gallons to get me through a few days. Only having heat from the wood stove, without the blower, may be difficult. Not having power in general would be tough. Glenn is right down the road about 25 minutes being put up in a hotel by the company so that he can actually get to work tomorrow. Not a chance that he'll make it out on our dirt roads tomorrow morning. So, I get to be a single parent for the next few days. This should be interesting.

I've been alone with my thoughts almost all day today. Unfortunately, a 9 month old and a black lab just don't seem to be great conversationalists. Apart from the occasional phone call to see how the baby and I are doing, it's quiet. I open the door and can hear the snow falling. What's God saying in all of this?
The only thing that comes to mind are the lyrics to a song. "Through it all. Through it all. I've learned to trust in Jesus. I've learned to trust in God. Through it all. Through it all. I've learned to depend on His Word." Enough said.

Closing out the credit cards

I thought that I'd be freaking out when we canceled our credit cards, but it honestly wasn't that big of a deal. We had already taken them out of our wallets, and after not using your credit card for three months, you kinda get used to using cash or your debit card. The two major credit card companies tried to hook us back in, but we firmly declined.

Inside I think I'm freaking out a little. There are a million "what ifs" that run through my head. Even my parents suggested that we keep at least one card open "just in case," but we don't want to fall into that trap. When the lady on the phone asked why I was closing my account, I simply stated, "I don't want to purchase what I cannot afford." It does make sense, but I'm realizing that America runs on credit. We buy now and pay later. That's what Glenn and I did for the first 4 1/2 years of our marriage, and we've only been married a little more than 5! We've had to come into a new mentality. Save for what you want. Prioritize. Budget. We're still not that great at budgeting, but I know we'll get there. We are working on it one day at a time, and I think living here is getting just a little easier one day at a time.

January 24, 2010

Up until now, we haven't had any TV to watch. We moved into this place knowing that Dude didn't have a TV or satellite dish, and our lives were about to change all the more because of it. No more hunting or fishing shows, America's Next Top Model or So You Think You Can Dance. And, sadly, no more Sunday football. :( No more news, it all had to come from the Internet.
I don't think either of us realized what a huge part of our lives the TV consumed. We'd plan our nights around the shows that we wanted to watch, and no longer were we interacting with each other. We were engaged in the TV. Living here has changed all that. It's forced us to talk more, engage one another in conversation, and get outside.

After three months of no TV, we decided to go out and purchase an HD antennae to see if we could get any over the air channels. We weren't certain an antennae would do anything but take up space in our little place, but it was worth a shot. Low and behold, we get two channels! ABC and CBS! We feel like we are living large! At least I can watch The Bachelor on Monday nights. It's unbelievable to think that we were spending over $100 dollars for cable, and we didn't watch 75% of the channels that we were paying for. Now, we have two channels that we watch sometimes, and it's free. I like that deal, and so does our wallet.

January 23, 2010

What is the deal with the wildlife out here in the country? I was taking a nap with Aleena on my bed upstairs when suddenly I hear, flap, flap, flap, whack! And I see this thing go flying above my head and over to the baby's side of the room. I yelled down, GLENN!! Why is there a wild bird in the house?

All I hear is hysterical laughter and my husband running up the stairs saying, "It's a tufted-tit mouse bird. Can't you hear it saying booby, booby?"
"Very funny," I said. Well, it was funny, but not when a wild bird is flying over your head. Glenn tried to corner it to pick it up, but that did not work at all. He finally opened the window, and the bird eventually flew to the screen. Glenn carefully opened the screen and freed the bird.
I think I've had enough of Mother Nature for a while...

January 18, 2009

A MOUSE WAS STUCK IN the Honda's blower. Apparently, so was a french fry. That little sucker crept into the car blower and tried to get the french fry at the exact moment that I turned the key in the ignition. I really blew his mind! But seriously, gross. Once again, I hate bees, MICE, roaches, and the cold. Perhaps I'm supposed to be learning to not sweat the small stuff...but to me, that isn't a small thing. When it's in the 20s, and you have to drive to work in a car that has no heat for a week, that's called roughing it. Glenn says it will get better. I keep telling God that this has to get better. It just seems like when it rains, it pours.

January 11, 2010

Seriously? This is like some sick joke. I went out to start up the Honda this morning to go to work, and it sounded like a jet was going to take off. I turned the heat off, and it stopped. Glenn said to drive to work with the heat on low. It was probably the blower, but he would look at it when I got home. I strapped Aleena into the car and started down the road with the heat on low, until my pedals started vibrating. Obviously I couldn't use the heat. We finally get the heat taken care of in the house, and now the heat in the Honda isn't working. The Saturn's heat hasn't been working for months, and Glenn's been working on that for a while too. It's hard to not feel like we are getting dumped on.

January 8, 2010

Glenn is amazing. He crawled into the crawl spaces today, every single one of them, filled all the holes with Great Stuff, put down plastic, and put in insulation. Although everything is still wide open, there is no longer a draft, and the temperature has already gone up 10 degrees. Thank you God for my husband.

January 6, 2010

I kept my coat on for an hour today after I got home from work, and I kept the baby in her little polar bear sleeper. It's crazy to be inside the house and feel no relief from the cold. Glenn told me today that Dude cannot fix the insulation problem.
I couldn't hold it in any longer. Big crocodile tears that had been welling up for weeks finally snuck out of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Hon. I'll fix this," Glenn reassured me.
I cried. I cried because it was cold in my shack, and I couldn't do anything to fix it.

January 4, 2010

A new year. A new opportunity. My goal this year is to completely pay off my private school loan. That's $25,000. A "reaching for the stars" kind of goal, but if I don't at least try, then what's the point of being where I am? It's a sacrifice to live here.
I wasn't offended when my mother in law asked, "So did this used to be a garage?" Well, yeah, it could have been. It was a carriage house.
If we don't keep our eyes on the prize, I start looking around at the waves of my circumstance, and it feels like I'm drowning.
It's still cold. The crawl space is really starting to make it impossible to heat this place up. Dude isn't committing one way or another to a quick fix, and Glenn is trying to come up with multiple solutions to keep us warm. What is up with all this freezing cold weather? A crazy wind whipping everything around outside almost steals the heat and when it's below 20 degrees outside, it's about 45 inside until the wood stove gets cranking. I hate being cold. I'm adding that to my list. Bees, mice, roaches, and being cold.

December 14, 2009

Today I've been thinking about how we constantly live in a state of total chaos. I'd have to say that I'm not the cleanest person out there...okay, I admit it. The word slob would probably fit me well, which is so ironic because I was raised by a woman who mandated chores, had two days a week where we cleaned the whole house, and was a literal iron sergeant. She'd stand next to me for hours until I ironed all of the clothes perfectly. Is it a shock that I literally iron nothing as an adult? I love my mom and how clean she kept everything. I don't know why that didn't transfer to me. I'm just saying, it doesn't take that long to clutter up 490 square feet.

My hubby has been a designing genius around this place. He built shelves, propped up my piano on PVC pipe (yeah, my piano has been pimped out), and created a coat shelf/closet for us. Still, I find myself cramming more and more unsorted boxes into our one and only clothing closet. I feel like God is cleaning us out...what I mean by that is, we are down to the bare bones. We have simplified our lives. We only have what we can live with and need at this point. Everything is out in the open, and if you want to get away from this place (or your spouse), you have to go outside into the open. Maybe that's the point. We are supposed to live our lives out in the open, hiding nothing. What you see is what you get. And that's how it's supposed to be with our finances. Out in the open, not afraid to say, we have no credit cards, we are working to pay off our debts, and someday in the next two years, we'll be debt free. We are in control of our money, it doesn't control us.
It took going through a short sale and moving into 490 square feet to bring Glenn and me into the same financial frame of mind. It adds a totally different perspective to "and the two shall become one flesh."

December 13, 2009

I got into a fight with our Christmas tree... and I finally won. I had to put on the red "wood stove" gloves to put lights on the tree and hang ornaments, but I finally won. That sucker gave me red pin dots and scratches all up and down my arms. I was not in a "holly jolly" mood when I was decorating the tree. In fact, I had to walk out of the house a couple of times so that I wouldn't start screaming at the tree. Glenn kept reminding me that it was free and a gift. I should be grateful.

Yes, I should be grateful, but I'm not. Living here is so hard. We still don't have heat. Thank God we have the wood stove and space heaters. Dude said his friend is coming to fix the furnace tomorrow. A month and a half later, and it's finally getting fixed. The crawl space makes it so cold in here. Yesterday I came downstairs and the space heater read 45 degrees. This is crazy. I tell Glenn it's not worth it. I want to move. And he says it's really rough right now, but it'll get better. Once the furnace gets fixed and he insulates the crawl space, it'll be better. We just have to "hang in there."
I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. God, don't you see me? Don't you see how cold I am? Do you care? I know you care. I just need grace. Lots of grace to get through this. And heat. I NEED heat.

December 12, 2009

Today I resented the fact that we didn't have a Christmas tree. On the outside, I said to Glenn, "Why bother? We have no room for one, and all of my Christmas decorations are at your friend's house. Not like I can just get everything out of the closet." But, on the inside, I was dying. I didn't feel the "Christmas spirit." I'd barely done any shopping, and I was feeling sorry for myself.

For as long as I can remember, we've always gone the weekend after Thanksgiving to cut down a fresh Christmas tree. And, each year I always pick out one that's about 7 feet tall and wider than Glenn thinks will fit into the house. This year, we didn't have any floor space to put a tree.

BUT, my hubby came to the rescue. One of his friend's was attending a Christmas tree party and offered to get us a tree as a Christmas present. I overheard Glenn saying, That would be so great, Kay! Just make sure it's not over 4 feet and that it's small. I'm thinking like a Charlie Brown tree."
Oh Lord, did he seriously just say Charlie Brown tree?
I want to find a hole and live in it until the holidays are over. So much for my perfect $70 tree this year.

November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving was not what I expected this year. Maybe I should rephrase that. The meal itself was what I expected. Glenn deep fried the turkey, because I'm not even sure the 17 pound bird would fit into the oven. We had the usual side dishes of squash, stuffing and cranberry sauce, and had one heck of a time, my mother and I, in the kitchen trying to prepare the sides while Glenn tried to cut the turkey. We were closer than sardines in a can, bumping butts to get by each other to grab dishes from the white cabinet.
I remember last year. We had Thanksgiving at our old home, and I used my China plates and silverware. We were celebrating the fact that my father was alive, strong, and feeling good despite the liver cancer that was trying to take him out.
This year, we celebrated again that Dad was with us, kicking cancer, and believing God for a total miracle. We are SO thankful to have him around the table again this year!
Compared to having my dad still alive, not being able to use my China plates sounds petty. But, I'll be honest. A part of me was embarrassed. All of my good "stuff" was 45 minutes away in a friend's shed. I was here, in this shack, with my husband, daughter, mom, dad and brother, Paul.

The small space took its toll, and my family ended up leaving a day early. It was hard to not feel hurt that they were leaving. But, I had to understand that small spaces are not good for men who have their own ways of thinking and doing things. I love my husband and my dad. I do NOT love the small space that we live in.

November 20, 2009

Thanksgiving. It doesn't normally fill me with dread, but this time around it does. What will my parents say when they see this place? The shack. We've been living here now for almost a month, and still there are boxes everywhere. We don't have any shelving on the walls, no closets...no doors, well besides the one on the bathroom. Still NO HEAT. It's been cold, especially since the crawl space is open and a cold draft comes right into the house.

Five. That's the number of mice that Glenn has caught this week, and he finally got Cleonitus the Mouse. That little sucker escaped four different traps and pooped in my silverware drawer every night for 4 straight nights! Finally, victory was ours just last night when he was enticed by the peanut butter.
I hate bees, and I hate mice too. Something else I hate, roaches. But let's not talk about them.

I think my mother may flip out when she sees just how small our place is. That, and its disorganization. She's a "woman on a mission." Give her a task, and the job WILL get done. She's one woman you want on your side. And, as much as I love her, she was the one who didn't think living here would be possible. I hope that she is supportive and realizes that we have a goal. Our goal is to become debt free. Living here will allow that to happen. Bees, mice, cold and all...we have a goal...I have to keep that at the front of my mind these days.

November 7, 2009

I'm alone with the baby in the shack. Well, Mosely's here too. But, Glenn left to go hunting for the next five days, and I'm here. I'm not afraid to stay here by myself. I know that there is a sheriff who lives right next store, and Dude is home too. I know I have help if I need it. I think I'm more nervous about taking care of the baby on my own, trying to do grad work, and manning the fire.

Glenn researched, found on Craig's list, and bought a Lopi wood stove. It's been a total life saver, considering the fact that our furnace has died. I told Dude about it, and he's going to come look at it tomorrow. It's cold, and I'm just grateful I can snuggle under a heavy comforter tonight. At least Carol will arrive tomorrow.

October 29, 2009

We paid off all of our credit card bills today! YIPPEE! It feels so good to no longer have any more credit card debt. It is a monumental action like this that makes living in the shack, all 490 square feet, easier to bear...though not much.
As Dave Ramsey says, "Live like no one else...."
At this point, I'm feeling like we are the exact people he is talking about.

October 27, 2009

Okay, so actually living here is soooo much different from just looking at is as a potential place to live. There are bees EVERYWHERE! I HATE BEES! Bees...sixteen of them, I just counted. I made the mistake of standing up on my bed to look on top of the window sill, and there they were. Sixteen freaking bees! Where the heck are they coming from? I keep telling Glenn about the bees. I keep telling him I don't want to get stung. More importantly, I don't want the baby to get stung...he keeps saying that he's working on it.

AND, today I was cleaning the wooden floor upstairs and found a little tiny mouse carcass. :( I picked it up with a fly swatter and marched it downstairs to wave it in the face of my husband. "We have a mouse problem, too, " I sneered.
"I'm working on it, " he said.

Somehow I can just picture God up in heaven smiling and saying, "Yup, I'm working on you too!"
I don't think this is funny at all.